


Standing at the Edge of Time

by limiculous



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/limiculous/pseuds/limiculous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's a girl-turned-Qunari to do? Fuck up the entire plot line, duh. Another modern girl winds up in Thedas. Self indulgent nonsense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. bondage for shits and giggles

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [if you make me fight an actual dragon i swear i'm leaving](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5283566) by [Lapsed Pacifist (Tozette)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tozette/pseuds/Lapsed%20Pacifist). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I grow ten inches overnight and smack a demon in the face.

I woke up to a pounding headache and a stabbing, fiery pain in my right hand. "Ow," I said, and then my hand exploded. I jerked, straining against the warm metal encasing my wrists, trying to rip my fingernails into my burning skin. It hurt so much, I was willing to tear my goddamn hand off to make it just stop. I squirmed in the manacles mindlessly, messily, didn't even care when my wrists began to bleed, and some distant part of me thought that maybe I should stop before I did serious damage, but the rest of me screamed that something was in my hand something was _in my hand_ it was _eating_ my hand _it hurt_ –

The pain receded suddenly, and I was left gasping. It wasn't quite gone, but now it was a manageable ache, and I could think. Mostly, as I looked up and peered around, my thoughts were along the lines of, 'Why am I chained up in a dungeon?' and 'Why are my hands so big?' and 'Why does this look suspiciously like the opening of that one video game that I was playing last night?'

Let's be real (and I'm pretty sure this is real; I rarely have vivid dreams), there aren't that many medieval looking dungeons fully equipped with torture equipment and armed guards in modern day America. Who happened to be staring at me angrily with bared swords. Great.

I tested the give in my manacles and all four guards tensed and raised their swords even higher. Even better.

I glared back at my jailers, and then dropped my head back down to think. 1) I wasn't going to assume that this was a fever dream or a coma; it was a little too vivid, and I've never been hurt or hungry in a dream. I'm both right now. I've always been relatively practical, and dying just because I mistakenly thought this was a dream would not be good. 2) If this is Inquisition, then I'm at the center of every horrible thing that's about to go down in Thedas for the next five years. I had better start planning how to deal right now. 3) My hands are. Not human. They are huge (weird), pale (normal), with purple undertones (really not normal!), and thick, sharp nails (my bloody palms told me that they were excellent for slicing through my own skin, A+, 10/10, would recommend for self-mutilation). There is also a suspicious weight on my head. On the one hand, hell yeah! I probably have horns! On the other hand, that likely means I'm going to get terrible headaches.

So. I'm a Tal-Vashoth Inquisitor. At least I don't have to fake knowing the Qun, or any Elvhen. Or anything at all about the Carta, or dwarf-y stuff, or Free Marcher politics. Oh god, I don't know anything about anything here. I'm going to die because I don't have the societal knowledge to bullshit my way out of this.

That was all I really had time to think about before the cell door burst open and Cassandra goddamn Pentaghast came striding in. I might have sighed dreamily, but I was a little too scared of her to make a sound. She is very intimidating in real life, and I'm pretty sure she could kill me with her pinky finger and a copy of Swords and Shields and not even break a sweat. (I only noticed Leliana slip in behind her because I was expecting her. She was practically a ghost, dramatic chain mail and all.)

Cassandra paced around me once, twice, and, like a good self insert, I watched her warily but said nothing. She came to a halt by my shoulder and spoke _those_ words. "Tell me why we shouldn't kill you now. The conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except for you."

Right. I should maybe answer that. What is the Inquisitor's line? Something like 'You think I'm responsible?' or 'That's horrible!' or something.

"Oh shit," I said. Great job, self, I thought as the Seeker growled and grabbed my hand and – were those ropes wrapped around my arms? Am I wearing that Spoils of the Qunari, midriff-baring armor? – shook it. Well. Whatever armor I'm wearing, this is going great. I've already pissed off the most badass lady in Thedas.

"Explain this."

My hand sparked obligingly. "Uh," I said and looked up at Cassandra. I tried to look guileless. "It's my hand. And it's gone green."

The Seeker sighed and dropped my manacled hands. Huh, maybe the puppy eyes worked– aaaand then she drew her sword. There goes that hope.

With the flat of the blade resting on my shoulder _very_ close to my neck, I went straight into babble mode. "I have no idea what's up with my hand, only that it's glowing and it hurts. The last thing I remember was being at the conclave without a glowing hand. Please don't kill me, I don't wanna die for a damn merc job." I said it all in a rush, and tried to infuse as much sincerity into my words as possible. I didn't particularly want to lie to the Left and Right Hands of the Divine, but I'm pretty sure that letting on that I know more than the canon Inquisitor would just lead to me being tortured and the Breach not getting closed. Bye-bye Thedas. Bye-bye my life.

"What. Happened," Cassandra growled, tapping the sword against my shoulder.

I very carefully didn't flinch. No need to cut myself when there were plenty of people around willing to do it for me. Time to spin a story. "I think I was guarding the Conclave? Something went… wrong. I," make it look good make it sound good. "There was light, noise. I remember running. Things were chasing me." There's the canon dialogue. "I saw a woman? Maybe? With a hat."

"A woman?" That was Leliana. I had been so focused on Cassandra and her naked blade that I hadn't even noticed her come towards me.

I looked up at her. The flickering torchlight softened her features. She looked gentle, kind. Good cop routine. "She reached out to me," I told her.

Cassandra sheathed her sword and sighed, and this time she just sounded tired. "Go to the forward camp, Leliana. I will take her to the rift."

Leliana nodded shortly, and then vanished up the hallway past my cell. Whatever conclusions she had drawn about my behavior were set. Hopefully, she wasn't planning on having me quietly executed.

Oblivious to my vague concerns about the Inquisition's spymaster, Cassandra knelt down before me and began unlocking my bindings.

"What happened to me? To the Conclave?" I asked as she rebound my hands, this time together with rope and hauled me to my feet. Impressive for such a small woman. Not that Cassandra was actually _small_. She was a good three inches taller than Leliana and impressively muscular, but she had nothing on my ridiculous, towering height. I stood a good head higher than the Seeker, and she still scared the shit out of me. Still, I thought, looking down at people was going to get old fast.

"It will be easier to show you." Cassandra led me from the cell and up through the chantry. Its stone walls were thick and solid, but the sheer volume of the refugees outside was still loud enough to be heard. Everything outside the fire-lit chantry was tinged a sickly green, the source arching across the heavens, a great and terrible hole in the sky. Seeing the Breach in pixelated form simply cannot compare to its massive scope in real life. I can hardly imagine the sheer amount of power it would take to open something such as it.

"We call it the Breach. It's a massive rift into the world of demons, that grows larger with each passing hour." If Cassandra wanted to intimidate me, to shock me into compliance, she had hit on a viable strategy. The Breach was unnatural, and every part of me wanted it gone, and not just because of my hand. "It's not the only such rift, just the largest. All were caused by the explosion at the Conclave."

"That doesn't make any sense," I said. "What kind of explosion would tear the Veil, and who would _want_ to open the world to even more demonic influence?"

Cassandra looked at me thoughtfully. "We don't know," she said. "But unless we act, the Breach may grow until it swallows the world."

"Well, that's just–" I was cut off as the Breach crackled and flared, sending thunder rolling down the mountain. My hand exploded in pain a split second later. I yelled something probably unintelligible and collapsed to my knees, curling protectively around my bound hands. This wasn't as bad as earlier, but it still hurt something awful.

Cassandra knelt down before me as my hand stopped giving off green sparks and spoke quietly. "Each time the breach expands, your mark spreads, and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this, but there isn't much time."

"Much time to do what?" I huffed.

"Close the Breach. Whether that's possible is something we shall discover shortly. It is our only chance, however. And yours."

I looked into Cassandra's eyes. She was grim, and I knew right then that she didn't expect the Inquisitor to make it through the day. She didn't expect _me_ to make it through the day. I looked down and sighed, then shoved myself to my feet. "Okay," I said. "Let's fix this."

Cassandra nodded and took me by the elbow, leading me through the crowds of refugees and supply tents. She explained what they knew had happened to get me up to speed, and I followed her docilely, unwilling to look any of these people in the eye. I didn't want to see their hatred or fear, even if I was, technically, innocent.

By the time we had left Haven proper, she had come to the Chantry's likely reaction to the breach and to me. "The clerics will seek to imprison you for your part in the disaster." She met my eyes dead on, coming to a stop on the path that lead up the mountain and drew a knife that she used to cut my bonds. "There will be a trial. I can promise no more."

"Will it be a fair trial?" I muttered. Probably not, considering both my current species and the suspicion surrounding my survival. Cassandra seemed to agree with me, as she just snorted and gestured for me to follow. "Didn't think so."

With my hands unbound, I could finally reach up to feel my horns. They were ridged and arched back gracefully. Hopefully they wouldn't be too difficult to take care of. Did I remember something about horn polish in game, or was that just fanon? I'll figure it out. I followed Cassandra across the bridge, ignoring her comments about testing my Mark, planning, trying to think about anything other than the upcoming fights.

We headed up a hill at a light jog, and I was pleased to note that this body seemed to be in excellent condition. No asthmatic huffing and puffing, no burning strain in my legs. My heart rate was barely elevated. If nothing else, I could be grateful I was in shape (and I have horns! Never going to get over that). We passed a group of injured soldiers limping down the mountain, but I ignored them, focused on following Cassandra and not slipping in the icy mud.

We were getting close to another of those stone bridges when the Breach grumbled and grew, sending me to my knees yet again. When the pain receded, Cassandra helped me back to my feet and patted me on the shoulder. She looked almost sympathetic as she said, "The pulses are coming faster now."

We moved on, me clutching my throbbing hand, Cassandra still talking. "The larger the Breach grows, the more rifts appear, the more demons we face."

"I don't even want to face one demon," I told her honestly. "Those things give me the heebie-jeebies."

Cassandra turned back to look at me incredulously. "Hee–" she cut herself off with a snort. "No. You said earlier you saw a woman in the fade."

"Yeah?" I said cautiously.

"The soldiers who found you corroborate your story. They saw a woman behind you when you crawled out of the rift. No one knows who she was."

We had reached the next bridge, and I was pretty sure I knew what was coming. Sure enough, we got to the dead center of the bridge, only to have a glowing green rock smash through the masonry ahead of us. I promptly sat down on my butt as the bridge cracked and shattered and closed my eyes for the inevitable fall. We were luckier than the other soldiers; I could hear the sharp crack of bones breaking and cries of pain as I slid over the precipice.

My landing was... sudden. One moment I was half-falling half-sliding down a rocky slope, the next I was sitting on a frozen lake with the biggest wedgie ever. Cassandra landed next to me, and this time, I had the pleasure of helping _her_ up.

I heard several more glowing rocks hit the ground around us as I squirmed and tugged at my ridiculous armor, trying to get rid of the wedgie. I had only just managed when I heard a hiss and a screech and looked up at Cassandra's shouted "Stay behind me!" Right. Don't forget the demons falling out of the sky and boiling up from the ground. I looked to my left, where game logic said that my weapon of choice should be resting, only to realize that there was a whole _pile_ of weapons. I lunged for the nearest staff, hoping that maybe I was a mage. If that failed, at least I would have a pole weapon that I could beat the demon over the head with.

As soon as I touched the damn thing, it crackled to life and I felt it sort of... tugging on something inside of me. Mana, maybe. I got into an approximation of a mage's fighting stance and did the little half lunge forward that they do for a basic attack. Nothing happened. The ice before me started bubbling with a sort of black, tar-like substance. I tried to focus the energy I had felt before into the staff, and shoved it out. A ball of fire launched itself from the end of the staff and hit the emerging demon in the face.

"Nice," I said, and then screeched as the demon lunged at me, claws extended. I hit it as hard as I could with the blunt end of the staff, and then pulled back to shove some more fire at it. It writhed for a minute, then faded into nothingness.

I looked up with a grin of triumph to check on how Cassandra was faring, only to see her striding towards me with a raised sword and a furious expression.

"Uh," I said. "The demons are dead." Silver linings, Seeker.

"Drop your weapon," she snapped back, looking furious.

I dropped my weapon. "No problem," I said. "Please don't kill me."

Cassandra looked briefly surprised, but then she sighed and sheathed her sword. "Take it. It's clear that I cannot protect you, and I can't send you into the valley unarmed. I should remember you agreed to come willingly."

I let out a relieved breath and scooped up the staff. I was already attached to being able to throw fire at anything that looked at me the wrong way. Also, I think that not having a weapon would screw up the plot in a major way, mostly by getting me killed.

We moved out, with me falling in line behind Cassandra, and I thought that maybe this wouldn't go so terribly. In hindsight, that was probably where it all started to go wrong.


	2. don't cross the streams, don't get hit, and more useful advise for the novice rift mage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I am introduced to an egg and a crossbow.

Walking across the ice was surprisingly easy in this body. I was sure-footed and swift, and now that I was used to my legs, I moved at a ground-eating pace. I had to purposefully narrow my stride to keep from passing Cassandra. She knew where she was headed; I had only a vague idea of where we needed to go.

We crested a hillock, and I paused at the sight of a dead Vashoth mercenary in similar armor to mine. I'm pretty sure this is where the Inquisitor picks up their first helmet. "Hold on!" I called to Cassandra. She huffed, but came to a halt, which I took as tacit compliance with my looting this poor guy. He didn't have much on him: a great ax with a cracked handle, what might have been a stamina potion (it was orange? I tossed it to Cassandra and she stuck it in her belt, so it was probably useful), a jar of white face paint labeled 'rashvine' (a vitaar! goody), and a locket with a lock of golden hair and a rolled up note inside. I looped the chain through one of the ropes on my belt and opened up the vitaar. I can't really remember what it looks like in-game, so I just smeared it across my cheekbones and forehead and down my chin. There wasn't much of it anyway. It went on cool, but warmed almost instantly to body temperature. When I reached up to touch it again, it had dried completely.

"Thanks," I said to Cassandra as I jogged to catch up with her.

"Hn," she said, and turned away. We continued along what was probably a stream or a small river in summer time for maybe a hundred meters before we came across another couple of demons.

I shoved a glob of fire at one of them, and Cassandra jumped down to engage the other. They _both_ decided that I was the biggest threat (which, _what_? I may have badass horns and a sudden propensity to shove fire at my problems and run, but I'm a squishy mage! Leave me alone!) and lunge-squirmed up the hill towards me. I yelped, and managed to lever the first one to reach me right off the ledge behind me and onto Cassandra. I heard her shout in frustration and the demon squeal in pain, so I figured that she was probably okay. I, however, was not doing so well, as the second demon lunged at me before I could recover from over-extending myself.

"Oh, shit," I had time to say before it knocked me to the ground. It was kind of… slimy, and I had about .2 seconds to be grossed out about getting covered in demon gunk before I had to get my staff between its flailing claws and my exposed abdomen. Since I couldn't fire off any spells like this, I had to resort to less refined methods. "Eat this!" I said, and headbutted the thing.

Don't judge me. I was in the middle of a heart-pounding adrenaline rush. It was a stupid idea, considering that my forehead kind of... passed through… the demon's head (guess what! Demons manifesting on the physical plane aren't fully corporeal! Who knew?), but it did get the demon off of me long enough for me to roll down the slope behind me. Right on top of Cassandra.

"Ugh," she said, and shoved me off of her before bounding to her feet and cleaving the shade right in half in practically one motion. How many times can I gush about how cool and impressive Cassandra is before I start to sound like a broken record?

Anyways, while Cassandra cleaned up her gear, I scrounged around for anything useful. I found a pouch of spilled coins, which I scooped up and secured to my belt, and managed to pull up an entire elfroot plant, roots and all. I have no idea what parts are actually useful, so I figured I might as well take the whole damn thing. I stuck it in my belt, too. "Pretty sure i'm going to need a backpack soon," I said, sighing. "That, or a pack mule."

We headed up the hill again, and (take a wild guess) we encountered even more demons. Cassandra took care of them easily as I provided fire support (pun fully intended) from a distance. After that fight, we came to some snow covered stairs that we jogged up two at a time. I don't think I'm ever going to get over just how _easy_ it is to run here. Going from a relatively sedentary lifestyle to having powerful legs and even more powerful lungs is an amazing feeling.

"We're getting close to the rift. You can hear the fighting," Cassandra called back as we neared the top of the stairs.

"Who's fighting?" I asked her, not even out of breath.

"You'll see soon enough. We must help them!"

Wow Cassandra. Do you get a kick out of being secretive and holding all the cards? I thought that was more Leliana's schtick. Why not just say that there's an elven apostate and a dwarf with fantastic chest hair up ahead? I didn't actually say any of that to her because I didn't want to be throttled, obviously, but Cassandra could probably feel my glare burning a hole in her armor. (Note to self: figure out how to shoot fire from my eyeballs. That would be both awesome and totally useful!)

We plateaued right before a ruined wall? outpost? structure of some sort. I didn't really pay much attention to the architecture, more worried about the four figures surrounded by demons just ahead of us.

"Hey!" I yelled, and jumped down to join the fray. Did I mention that I might have been getting a little cocky? I bashed one demon over the head with my staff and hurled fire at another one. Demons suitably distracted from their prey, I scurried back out of melee range. I threw the occasional blob of fire around, but I was mostly focused on the odd magnetic tug between my right hand and the rift. The fighters seemed to have it covered, anyway. I reached forward, toward the rift, and my hand sparked obligingly. It didn't hurt, not exactly, feeling more like scratching a deep itch. I glared at the rift, and focused a little harder on that odd feeling, and a full-blown connection opened between me and it, a line of staticky green magic. My mind gibbered something along the lines of 'Don't cross the streams,' which the adrenaline-fueled part of me ignored as completely irrelevant. I couldn't really control it, just sort of direct its purpose.

 _Close,_ I thought firmly, and it did.

I looked up to see the two soldiers staring at me with something akin to awe on their faces. That made me pretty uncomfortable, considering my existence here is something of a cosmic joke. Cassandra strode back towards me and dropped a heavy gauntlet on my shoulder.

"How did you know to do that?" she asked me. She didn't quite look suspicious, but there was a wary cast to her eyes that made me nervous.

"Uh," I said. Explanations are hard, but at least no one was asking me about my feelings. Yet. "It's like my hand and the rift are two positive magnets," I finally came up with. Cassandra looked skeptical, one eyebrow raised. I could see Solas out of the corner of my eye cocking his head to the side. "They push and push, but they can't come together. One has to turn away, and in this case, it was the rift."

"And you just knew all of that. Instinctively." I wanted to say that Cassandra took my word for it, but her face had gone blank.

"I felt it," I told her honestly, hoping that she would believe me.

"I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach's wake, and it seems I was correct." That was Solas, who approached me with a smile and empty palms spread wide. That might have been a reassuring gesture from a warrior or rogue, but considering Vivienne could freeze a guy with the click of her fingers, I called bullshit. Solas was as dangerous using words as he was with magic. I can't recall him telling any direct lies, but he misleads and manipulates everyone around him like the god of trickery and misfortune the Dalish view him as.

"I guess?" I said.

"So it could close the Breach itself," said Cassandra, relaxing her stance and backing up a foot or two.

"Possibly." Solas inclined his head towards Cassandra before turning back to me. "It seems you hold the key to our salvation."

"Great," I muttered.

"Good to know!" That was Varric, who I hadn't even noticed standing to the side. He was _so short_. "Here I thought we'd be ass-deep in demons forever." Then he held out a hand to me and grinned the grin of a guy who could get away with just about anything. "Varric Tethras. Rogue, storyteller, and occasional unwanted tag along."

I took his tiny ( _tiny!_ ) arm in mine and shook it gently. I know dwarves are sturdier than elves or humans, but I was very conscious of my massive size and unknown strength. "Nice crossbow," I said, and smirked. "I've never seen anything like it."

"Bianca's one of a kind," Varric said, reaching up to caress it. "We've been through a lot together, and she'll be great company in the valley."

Cassandra stepped between the two of us, making a sharp, cut off gesture. "Absolutely not. Your help is appreciated, Varric, but–"

"Have you been in the valley lately, Seeker? Your soldiers aren't in control anymore. You need me," Varric interrupted her easily. I wouldn't have dared to do that, but they knew each other well, and had likely been traveling together for months.

Cassandra made a disgusted noise, and moved away to check on the two soldiers. Solas, who had been standing at my elbow the whole time, spoke up. "My name is Solas, if there are to be introductions. I am pleased to see you still live."

"He means, 'I kept that mark from killing you while you slept,'" said Varric.

Well. Solas might be an asshole, but he's a relatively important one, and the Inquisition kind of needs him. So I'll play nice. "That is super legit, dude, and I am glad to be alive." (I… may need a verbal filter. Something to work on later.) "You seem to know about rifts and the mark."

"My travels have allowed me to learn much of the fade, far beyond the experience of any circle mage. I came to offer whatever help I can give with the breach. If it is not closed, we are all doomed, regardless of origin."

He plans on killing us all anyway once he gets his orb back. But… if I'm going to play the game (in every sense of the word), I need to put some emotional distance between myself and the major players, otherwise no one will get a happy ending. "That's a rather selfless attitude," I said, keeping my voice as even as possible.

"Merely the sensible one, although sense appears to be in short supply right now." He was smirking and looked a touch arrogant. That didn't do much for my opinion. He turned away from me to focus on Cassandra, who had finished whatever soldier-y things she had been doing and looked impatient. "Cassandra, you should know: the magic involved here is unlike any I have seen. Your prisoner is a mage, but I find it difficult to imagine _any_ mage having such power."

"Understood." Cassandra said, inclining her head. "We must get to the forward camp quickly."

With a gesture, we fell in line behind her, Varric and I flanking her, with Solas taking up the rear. "Well, Bianca's excited," Varric said sardonically.

"I'm sure she'll get to see plenty of action before the day is through," I said. Varric grunted in agreement. If only he knew.

We headed down a path next to a narrow ravine, which had an iced-over stream at the bottom that fed into a small, frozen lake. It was steep, and the footing treacherous, but we all made it in one piece. Several demons were waiting for us on the lake, which Cassandra immediately rushed to engage. Varric began firing off bolts as he moved to flank the demons, and Solas threw up a barrier spell. I tried to analyze what it felt like on my skin– it had sort of a fuzzy-slick feel to it, like rubbing velvet. I absentmindedly shot a couple of globs of fire at the demons converging on Cassandra.

I may have sent one a little close to the Seeker, seeing as her armor was a bit scorched and she glared at me once the demons were down. I cleared my throat and pointed at the nearest building on the lakeshore. "We should check that place out, see if there's anything useful inside." I charged away, and hearing Cassandra sigh in exasperation behind me only caused me to redouble my pace. I went through the house methodically, snagging coin purses and trinkets. My belt was getting a bit full now, and I wondered a bit ruefully if I could wrangle a pack from someone at the forward camp.

Although I was pretty sure Cassandra would prefer to move on, I headed down to the end of the length. If I remembered correctly, there would be three demons in that direction, and I wanted to try to put up a barrier.

Remember when I said I was getting cocky? Yeah. If you ever find yourself in a life-threatening situation, maaaaybe don't rush headfirst into danger you can avoid just to test a theory.

We headed up a hill, with Cassandra grumbling about nosy mages. She stopped her very rude comments when we saw the demons, but still shot me a poisonous glare that dared me to singe her again as she shot past me to engage them. That was fine. I could work with that.

I ignored Solas and Varric advancing towards the demons and leaving me behind as I reached into the place inside me I pulled the fire from. It felt a little like a bubbling pit of lava that would burn anyone except for me, but that wasn't the feeling I was looking for. While it was possible I could cloak myself in flames (an idea that had great potential for melee range combat, a little like Sera's alchemical flasks), I wanted that soft-fuzzy magic. I reached just a little deeper and touched. Something new. Something that felt like a cool spring bubbling up from my gut, and if I could _just_ –

There was a shout of warning, and I looked up, only to see a greater shade bearing down on me, claws raised to rend me in two. I pulled on the magic I had just been touching and flung it around myself. If I could just–

If–

The demon's claws raked across my belly, and I knew a moment of pain and fear, and then nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still mired down in canon dialogue, but hopefully, we'll be moving past that soonish.


	3. fainting is for sissies, REAL vashoth black out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I learn an important lesson.

I woke up lying flat on my back on the icy ground, Cassandra towering above me with a fierce scowl on her face. "Do not do that again," she said.

"Do what?" I asked, my voice a croak.

"You almost died, Sparky." That was Varric, standing somewhere behind me. "I think the Seeker would prefer that you not scare her in the future. It took two healing potions to get your gut closed up, and there was a lot of blood on the ice. We were all worried."

"Oh." I tried to let that sink in, but wrapping my brain around almost dying was not easy. I ran a hand across my belly, feeling two long, puffy scars bisecting it. That. Was really scary. "So... maybe I shouldn't experiment in the middle of a fight next time."

"That's probably a good idea," said Varric, appearing at my side and offering me a hand. I took it, and gingerly lifted myself up. _Fuck_ that hurt. "Well, whatever you did kept the shade from doing any fatal damage."

I looked over at Cassandra, who was glaring at me. "You likely passed out due to a combination of shock and pain."

"Are you saying I fainted because I'm a wuss?"

Cassandra turned back to me, her eyes flashing. "You almost died because you got careless, mage," she corrected, her voice cold.

"Oh," I said quietly, wincing. "I was actually trying not to think about that. It's not every day a girl almost dies."

Cassandra stared me down for several seconds, before nodding and tossing something small and shiny to me. I caught it easily– nice to know my reflexes and hand-eye coordination are still pretty good. "It's a lifeward amulet," she told me as I studied it. "I think you are going to need it." I moved to put it on, thinking it was going to come in handy, but was briefly stymied by my horns (which I am still feeling very ! about).

I finally managed to tug the cord around my neck as Cassandra moved out, and I followed at a careful pace, not wanting to aggravate my injuries. Varric took rear guard behind me, and Solas grabbed the opportunity to scold me. "You should take more care with your life," he told me as we headed back down towards the lake. "If you die, the Breach may–"

"May tear apart the world. Yes, I know. I was stupid and it won't happen again." I glanced over, only to see him gazing off into the distance as if he had never spoken. I sighed and sped up a little.

The climb up to the forward camp was about three hundred percent more difficult than it might have been if my abdominal wall hadn't been a bit torn up– lengthening my stride was painful, stepping too hard was painful, bending over was painful. You get it, there was a lot of pain. We did make it up the hill eventually, me wheezing and puffing, and Cassandra pointedly ignoring me. Of course there was another rift up there, because that was my life now. Closing rifts and crying. I hung back, one hand on my abdomen, trying to catch my breath, and rolled a few fireballs at the demons in between glaring the rift into submission. (Speaking of rolling, I wonder if I could make bowling balls of fire and send demons flying like pins in an alley. Sounds like my kind of sport.)

We cleared out the demons with some help from the soldiers at the gate, and I closed the rift without too much trouble. I think the potions might have finally been kicking in, because my stomach was starting to feel less shredded as we tromped through the gates in Cassandra's wake. She made her way straight towards the center of camp and the loudest people around.

"–must get to the Temple of Sacred Ashes. It is our only chance!" That was Leliana, who sounded pretty frustrated for such a normally composed woman.

I remembered why she was so pissed when Roderick snapped, "You have caused enough trouble without resorting to this exercise in futility."

" _I_ have caused trouble?" And she moved straight to offended. Nice going.

"You, Cassandra, the Most Holy– haven't you all done enough already?" I'm pretty sure that Leliana was trying to kill the guy with her eyes. I mean, honestly, who insults a recently murdered religious leader in front of said leader's _spymaster_ and most loyal servant. That's just asking for a knife in the back.

"I'm pretty sure that these nice people are trying to fix shit," I said, sticking a hand on my hip and glaring at Roderick. What an ass. "Which is more than I can say for you." When the agnostic extraordinaire feels offended on behalf of something religious, someone really screwed up.

"You dare–" the Chancellor started before he was interrupted.

"You made it," said Leliana, coming around the table to greet Cassandra, but looking at me very intently. I can't for the life of me read that woman when she's looking at me. Is she plotting my untimely death? Is she hungry? Fuck if I know. "Chancellor Roderick, this is–"

"I know who she is. She killed the Divine, and you reward her with freedom." The man looked practically apoplectic, but he had wimpy little arms and barely came up to my shoulders. He didn't scare me. I could totally punt him over the wall. He would have to get Cassandra on side before he could intimidate me. "I order you to take the Qunari to Val Royeaux to face execution."

Heh. Cassandra's going to love that.

"'Order me'? You are a glorified clerk. A bureaucrat!" Cassandra stepped in front of me, bristling, her hand going to her sword.

(I honestly didn't realize that men could rise above Brother in the Chantry when I played Origins. That was the big thing that weirded people out with the dragon cultists– they were led by a Father instead of a Mother. Maybe Roderick can't preach under the White Divine? Or lead or something? I can't remember what his exact function was supposed to be prior to the explosion. Probably doesn't matter anyway.)

"And you are a thug, but a thug who supposedly serves the Chantry!"

"We serve the Most Holy, Chancellor, as you well know." Leliana's expression brooked no argument, but Roderick plowed right over and into the danger zone.

"Justinia is dead! We must elect a replacement, and obey _her_ orders on the matter!"

"That's cold," I said. "And really short sighted. The sky is vomiting demons, in case you hadn't noticed, and I'm pretty sure electing a Divine and putting me on trial is not a quick enough process to deal with that in a timely manner."

He whirled on Leliana. "Now you're letting her give orders," he said, aghast.

Cassandra banged a fist on the table to get his attention. "The prisoner has the right to speak her mind."

Roderick shook his head, shoulders slumping. "Call a retreat, Seeker. Our position here is hopeless."

"We can stop this before it's too late." If the Chancellor hadn't been wallowing in his despair, he might have perked up a bit at the sheer conviction that laced her voice.

"How? You won't survive a charge to the temple, even with all your soldiers."

"We must try," Cassandra said. "It's the quickest route."

Leliana cut in. "But not the safest. Our forces can charge as a distraction while we go through the mountains."

"We lost contact with an entire squad on that path. It's too risky," Cassandra responded.

Roderick was clearly off in his own little terrified world, not listening to a word they said. "Listen to me. Abandon this now before more lives are lost!"

I was getting really tired of Roderick. I can understand feeling hopeless, but it's not productive. I couldn't focus on that; if I did, I would probably curl up in a ball somewhere and ignore the world. As things stand right now, I'm about two hours away from a massive panic attack. "If you can't say something useful, just shut up," I told him. "Negativity doesn't help anything."

The Breach expanded just as I finished speaking, and I hunched over my hand, panting.

Cassandra turned to me. "How do _you_ think we should proceed?"

"Why are you asking _me_ what to do?" I asked, glaring at the entire set of dodo-brains who thought it would be a good idea to put me in charge of any kind of battle plan.

"You have the Mark," said Solas. _Smarmy bastard_ , I thought uncharitably.

"And you are the one we must keep alive. Since we cannot agree on our own…" She trailed off, leadingly.

"I'm also not trained in tactics or battle plans," I grumbled. I saw Leliana open her mouth to say something, but I cut her off with a dramatic wave of my hand. "No, no. You want my thoughts, you can have them." I took a deep breath, thinking furiously. "I like Leliana's idea of taking the mountain path. I'm pretty sure that me charging out in the middle of a battle field is a sure-fire way for me to get very dead very fast. So. Mountain path. We can check up on the scouts that were sent earlier and sneak in the back way without drawing too much attention."

There were some grumbles, but I could see Varric smiling a little bit off to the side, so I was happy. Leliana and Cassandra started barking orders and we all moved out.

Yeah, no, I take that thing I said earlier back. Happiness was the furthest thing from my mind. "Why did I think taking the mountain path would be a good idea?" I moaned, being very careful not to look down. "Why didn't you stop me, Cassandra?"

"When you make a mistake," came her voice from maybe ten feet below me. Christ, but ladders are shit. "You must carry on and find the good in it."

It was like having a Renaissance Hallmark special following me around. Don't get me wrong, I love Cassandra (and am terrified of her in equal measures) but right then, I wanted to kick her goddamn head in. I reached the top of the ladder and climbed gratefully onto the ledge, kissing the wooden planks once before scrambling to my feet with my back to the cliff face. There was a lot of empty space out in front of me.

"Just remember that if you fall, you'll die and the world will end, Sparky."

"Thanks, Varric," I called down the mountain to him. I inched along the walkway to make room for the others, very carefully not looking _down_. I was pretty sure there were demons up ahead, just inside the old mining complex, and I didn't want to rush headlong into a fight without backup. The wind bit right through my clothes up this high, and I shivered, chilled to the bone. Two thirds of my top were bare; I had to get cold at some point. When everyone had reached the ledge, we moved forward, with me _still_ in the lead. Ugh.

The entrance hall was lit only by the the weak daylight from behind us and the faint green glow of a wraith. There were no conveniently lit video game candles marking our way. Luckily, we had two mages in our party who could light shit up with a thought. We took care of the demons with no trouble and moved on, staffs serving as basic torches.

I was a bit confused by this place. It was far too ornate to be a mine; it looked more like an old temple built into a natural ice cave– it wouldn't surprise me if there were layers of limestone under the ice. We moved past open balconies that looked out over massive ice formations, and I heard Varric whistle. We didn't really have time to linger, though, as there were soldiers dying out there on a battlefield as a distraction for us.

I stopped in the little antechamber off the main hall to scoop up a coin pouch and find a shield for Cassandra. It was embossed with the symbol of a griffon, and I wondered if the Hero of Fereldan or some other Warden group had left it here.

We moved on, me looting everything I could get my little pack rat hands on, and Cassandra grunting at me every time she felt I was getting too distracted.

With daylight practically in sight, we took out another three demons: a wraith and two shades. One of the shades, the really spiky one, came straight towards me, but I ducked around it and jabbed it right in the back with a fireball. No problemo.

Just outside the complex were three bodies. They looked to have been stripped of anything useful, likely by the surviving members of the scouting party.

"Looks like we found our missing soldiers," said Varric, sounding a bit sad.

"That cannot be all of them," Cassandra said, her voice confused.

"So the others might be holed up ahead."

"Our priority must be the breach," said Solas, tone reprimanding. "Unless we deal it soon, no one is safe."

I didn't say anything to that. As much as it rankled, thinking about leaving people behind, he was right. It was the cold calculus of war. Lucky for my conscience, rescuing those scouts was on the way to our destination.

"I'm leaving _that_ to our Qunari friend here." Varric was clearly trying to lighten the mood.

We headed down an icy trail, occasionally slipping a few feet, but mostly keeping a steady pace. We were getting closer to the Breach; the poisonous green was right above us, and I could feel it tugging on the Mark in my palm. I clenched my fist against the feeling and pushed on.

The scouting party, when we finally saw them, were in trouble, surrounded on three sides by lesser demons, backs to a low wall. I drew their attention with a shout and a gout of flames as Cassandra charged forward. We mopped up the stragglers in short order, and I wrenched the tear in the fade closed.

"Lady Cassandra," the head scout gasped when it was all over, banging a fist to her chest in a sloppy salute. "We thought we were done for."

"You're alive, thanks to the prisoner here," said Cassandra, gesturing to me. I waved awkwardly, and cleared my throat.

"It was, uh, providence that led us here." I said. I'm not sure praising the Maker could help at this point, but I don't want to take credit, and it probably couldn't hurt. Faith has a way of galvanizing people. Plus it sounds good; if I have to be the Herald of Andraste, I am going to _own_ that role.

[Somewhere, in a back corner of my mind, a gibbering part of me thought, _this is nonsense, Sarah, you've finally gone 'round the bend, none of this makes any logical sense, you've been reading too many self insert fics._ I ignored the gibbering. What else could I do?]


	4. ready or... well, you'd better be ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I finally finish the prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made a couple of little changes to the first chapters, including switching the anchor from saradaar's left hand to her right. i know it's not canon, but it works better for me, personally and thematically.

The aftermath of closing the rift was... difficult. The scouting party had lost four members, a full half of their number, and it showed in their slumped shoulders and shaking hands. They were bruised and exhausted and heartsick, and they probably wouldn't be getting rest any time soon.

"Head back through the mines and to the forward camp," Cassandra ordered. "The way should be clear."

Their leader looked like she might argue for a moment, but one glare from the Seeker nipped that bit of rebellion at the bud.

We didn't watch them go, opting to move out at the same time as the scouts. We were getting close now; I could feel the magnetic pull of the Breach constantly, and let me tell you– that is a hella distracting sensation. Almost distracting enough to keep my mind off of how we were going to get _down_ the mountain.

I won't describe to you exactly how much of a pathetic mess I turned in to when faced with going down a sheer cliff face. Suffice it to say that Cassandra was suitably disgusted with me by the time we hit solid ground.

The path ahead was straightforward enough, but I couldn't stop myself from gawking at the huge spikes of rock jutting from the ground in the valley below. If they had been in the game, I hadn't noticed them while playing. At least they kept my mind off of the massive hole in the sky. Speaking of–

"So holes in the fade don't just accidentally happen, right?" That was Varric, of course, trotting along to keep up with Cassandra's easy stride (I rather felt like I was taking an ambling stroll through a park; I had to consciously slow down to keep from leaving the rest of the party in the dust. Damn short people).

"If enough magic is brought to bear, it _is_ possible." Solas sounded like he might be winding up for a lecture on magical theory, which I would be all for... once we were safely back at Haven.

"But there are easier ways to make things explode." Luckily, we had Varric to deflect Solas away from going all academia on our asses.

"That is true."

Cassandra cut off the conversation, probably annoyed with the lack of focus. We (well, I (and Jesus fucking Christ who thought it was a good idea to give _me_ this kind of responsibility?)) had a breach to close. "We will consider _how_ this happened once the immediate danger is past."

The ruins of the Temple, once we reached them, were blasted with soot, and the exposed stone pulsed with fade magic. But all of that paled to the horror of the _smell_. So far, I've only set demons on fire, and demons, being fade constructs, don't smell like much. But people– god, I don't know how many people died in the explosion at the Conclave, but the smell of charred flesh and hair clung to the temple sickeningly. It was all I could do to breathe through my mouth and not gag.

"The Temple of Sacred Ashes," Solas said, voice hushed as we picked our way across cracked stone and rubble. In a sort of furious haze, my eyes stinging with tears, I wondered how much he actually cared about the people who died here, if he even gave a shit that his actions led to this–

No. That line of thought wasn't productive; it could, in fact, be actively harmful to working with him and surviving this day. I could assign blame and figure out precisely how I felt about ancient Elvhen gods later, but for now, I had to avoid getting lost in recriminations. Enough terrible things had happened in this place.

"That is where you walked out of the Fade and our soldiers found you." Cassandra sounded... brittle, wounded, and I glanced over at her. Despite her tone, or perhaps because of it, her face was set in hard lines, lips pursed and brow furrowed. That was not a face that invited sympathy. "They say a woman was in the rift behind you. No one knows who she was."

We crossed the courtyard in silence after that. I was determined to just put one foot in front of the other and _not_ look at the corpses flung about like rag dolls, so I focused on one point on the wall opposite me and charged towards it with single minded determination.

We rounded a bend, skirting a few smoldering corpses, which I carefully ignored, and there it was.

"It's a long way up," said Varric. Solas hummed an agreement as Cassandra strode forward to meet Leliana.

"You're here. Thank the Maker." Leliana's people were already moving out, taking up strategic positions in cover with sight lines on the rift. "Cullen is keeping the demons off of our backs, but we need to finish this quickly."

Cassandra gave a short nod and turned back to me. "This is your chance to end this. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," I said, tightening my grip on my staff. I wasn't ready. Not. At. All.

Cassandra graced me with a grim smile and gestured for me to lead the way. "Then let's find a way down, and be careful."

The horizon was darkening rapidly as we circled the courtyard, the sun having dropped below the mountains sometime when I wasn't watching, but the green of the Breach was sufficient to light our way.

" **Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice."**

Corypheus' voice was. Horrific. I don't know if that was caused by the taint in him, or perhaps a lingering effect from the red lyrium that we passed, or if the nightmare demon (oh no oh shit _hawke_ what am I going to _do_? later, think about it later) had this much influence over the waking world. Whatever the reason, that voice echoed off the stone and pressed into my ears until I thought the drums might shatter.

"What are we hearing?" Even Cassandra seemed shaken, and I... empathized with that, even if I wished she could remain a sturdy rock in the current.

"At a guess: the person who created the Breach." Solas, so careful to avoid the damning truth without voicing an outright lie. And he sounded so reasonable, the perfect mix of confusion and sincerity.

We rounded a corner of the courtyard, and were confronted with way more red lyrium than I would ever be comfortable with. "For the record," I said, skirting a pulsating nodule. "Everything about this day has sucked."

A long moment of silence, as they contemplated that, and then Varric said, "You know this stuff is red lyrium, Seeker." His face was twisted, just a little, though whether in fear or loathing I couldn't tell.

"I see it, Varric."

"But what's it _doing_ here?"

"Magic could have drawn on lyrium beneath the temple, corrupted it." As Solas spoke, I had a sudden, horrible flash of the worst case scenario in Thedas' future. Solas, ancient Elvhen god with all of Mythal's power in addition to his own, corrupted by the Blight. That… would make sense thematically. In all three games, the main villain was blighted in one way or another: the arch-demon, Meredith, Corypheus.

I edged even farther from the lyrium.

Varric scoffed. "It's evil. Whatever you do, don't touch it." No need to tell me that, but please, do instill in Solas the importance of not messing with evil red stuff.

" **Keep the sacrifice still."**

" _Someone help me!"_

"That is Divine Justinia!" Her hand gripped my arm and I turned back to her, dreading–

" _What the hell?"_ Huh. That actually does sound like me. Maybe an octave deeper, but otherwise spot on.

"That was your voice! Most Holy called out to you, but–" Her grip on my arm tightened convulsively and she hauled me down to her eye level.

" _Run while you can! Warn them!"_

" **We have an intruder. Slay the qunari."**

"You _were_ there. Who attacked? Is the Divine– is she? Was this vision true? What are we seeing?" Cassandra's eyes _burned_ with her need to know what had happened, and even as those questions tumbled from her lips, I steeled myself to lie.

"I don't remember any of this," I said, frustrated. _I can't tell you,_ was what I really wanted to say. Cassandra released me with a long sigh and put one hand over her eyes as if to wipe away the last few moments.

"Echoes of what happened here," Solas murmured. I turned towards him, felt Cassandra do the same behind me, and I could feel... something rising in the air, a light-heavy presence of... was it magic? It was vastly different from the pull of the Breach. Solas's magic, maybe, and it felt like the shift in barometric pressure as a storm rolls in. How was he doing that? Did no one else feel it? "The Fade bleeds into this place. This rift is not sealed, but it is closed... albeit temporarily. I believe that with the mark the rift can be opened, and then sealed properly and safely. However, this will attract attention from the other side."

"That means demons! Stand ready." Cassandra had evidently pulled herself together. She jumped down from the walkway we stood on and gestured for us to follow her. The magic that had transfixed me dissipated (note to self: get a handle on that shit), and I could breathe again. Well, breathe, and hastily scramble off the ledge under Cassandra's disapproving stare.

"Okay," I said. "Let's do this."

I firmly stretched my arm out towards the Breach, which connected eagerly to my hand. _Open_ , I thought. And it did. Easily, as if that was the state it wanted to be in all the time. I wrenched my hand back from the connection with a crackling tear, just as a massive pride demon fell from the sky. It had to be about 14 feet tall, the size of a small house, and I was faced, for the first time since I woke up this morning, with acute, primal terror. I have never seen a living thing that big before. It could step on me, and I'd be dead forever. It could grab me and eat me, and I'd be dead forever. It could impale me on its claws, and I'd be dead forever. Jurassic Park was always a stupid idea, but if this is what it felt like to stare down a Tyrannosaurus rex, fuck. I couldn't even gather the coherence to finish that thought.

Someone elbowed me in the gut, and I came back to myself. I was shaking, adrenaline maybe, but at least I was mobile again. Cassandra was already waling away at the thing's legs, but it just ignored her, swatting at her like a fly. _Armor_ , I thought. _I need to–_ and the anchor crackled to life. I shoved power and will down the connection, and the Breach surged. The pride demon dropped to its knee, and I followed, but now Cassandra's sword was drawing blood– black, viscous stuff that sizzled and dissipated before it touched the ground.

I spent the next few moments backing frantically away from the demon as it regained its feet, and then summoned up the biggest fireball I possibly could and sent it hurling into its face. It looked at me. Oops. I lunged behind a wall just before a massive ball of lightning hit the ground where I had been standing. "Cover is the better part of valor," I said to myself, and peeked back out at the pitched battle. Leliana's archers had rallied and were peppering the demon with arrows, though it didn't look like many were penetrating very deep. I looked up. The rift had gone back to that dark, roiling mess, so I reconnected it to the anchor. Another surge and– damnit. Shades, both focused on me and closing in fast. I shot fire at the nearest one, and then swung my staff as hard as I could at its head. It was still coming, so I did the sensible thing and ran the other way, lobbing fireballs behind me. Lucky for me, I was much faster that the demons, and I also had the ability to hide behind archers and attack from there. I doubt I made any friends there, but hey, I'm alive.

With the shades gone, I was able to go back to messing with the rift. Rinse and repeat.

I don't know how long we fought. Time gets weird when you're powered only by adrenaline. I guess it was just a few minutes of bravely running away from demons and stopping only to send an incapacitating surge through the anchor. The Breach was– well, I couldn't say it was weakening, it was too immense for that to even feel like a possibility. But the pride demon could barely move now, and, well. We all know how this scene goes.

Cassandra's voice thundered across the courtyard, frantic and hoarse. "Now! Seal the rift! Do it!" She had the pride demon down on its back and was hacking at the vulnerable stomach. The rift above her was roiling, condensing down to a single point, and I grasped at it. _Close,_ I thought. It would not. _Close, close close CLOSE_ _ **CLOSE**_ _._ Something was happening around me, familiar voices, the press of bodies too close to my personal bubble, but I ignored it. If I could just get this damn thing to–

The pressure was gone. I closed my eyes in relief, and fell. I don't remember hitting the ground, just dark shapes moving about, and indistinct words. I blacked out.


End file.
